Language Arts Lesson 9
Evaluation and Revision (Grades 9-10)

Instruction 9-2

Revise Writing to Improve the Logic and Coherence | Revise Text to Highlight the Individual Voice, Improve Sentence Variety and Style | Summary

Pre-Test		Post-Test
Q&A	Writing	Q&A

REVISE TEXT TO HIGHLIGHT THE INDIVIDUAL VOICE, IMPROVE SENTENCE VARIETY AND STYLE

Now that you have reviewed your paper to make sure that it is logical and coherent, you can fine-tune your writing style. Good writing is clear, but  it is also interesting. Every sentence is there for a purpose, and every word plays an important part in making the sentence work.

To keep your writing interesting, think variety. For example, using all simple sentences or all compound sentences can make even the most interesting topic seem boring and tedious. If you want to add impact to something you’re saying, use a simple sentence. Fewer words can make an idea stand out.

Your focus on variety should include the words you use. In the last section we talked about using pronoun references and synonyms. You should use these tools to keep from repeating the same words over and over. Read this paragraph:

Andre Agassi is a great tennis player. Andre Agassi has won many tournaments. Andre Agassi will go down in history for winning all four Grand Slams.

What’s wrong with this paragraph? It repeats “Andre Agassi” for a total of three mentions in three sentences. It also uses three simple sentences in a row that start with “Andre Agassi.” This paragraph is clumsy and boring to read.

How can you make this paragraph better? Here are some ideas:

1. Use pronoun references. Change one of the “Andre Agassi” mentions to “He.”
2. Use synonyms. You can refer to Andre Agassi by his last name.
3. Vary your sentence structure. Include a compound sentence, and change the order of the phrasing.
4. Include a little more information if it will strengthen your point or add a little interest.
   

Better:

Andre Agassi is one of the greatest tennis players of all time. A professional player since the age of 16, Agassi has won many tournaments. He will go down in history for winning all four Grand Slams.

Notice how you can use variety to make your information more interesting and easy to read.
Make sure that most of your sentences are in the active voice. A sentence is in the active voice when the subject of the sentence performs the action.

A sentence is in passive voice when its action is performed on the subject. You should use passive voice when you don’t know who performed the action, or when you don’t want to call attention to that person. Read the paragraph below.

Andre Agassi was born April 29, 1970 in Las Vegas, Nevada. By age 13, Agassi’s father had enrolled him at the Nick Bollettieri Tennis Academy in Bradenton, Florida. There he honed his skills.

The first sentence is in the passive voice, and the next two sentences are in the active voice. You can’t (and shouldn’t) always use the active voice, but using it most of the time makes your writing stronger.

To make basic information more interesting, add modifiers. Modifiers describe or add information.
An adjective clause is a clause that modifies a noun or pronoun. Read these sentences:

In the Southwest, the Pueblo people performed rain dances.
In the Southwest, where water is scarce, the Pueblo people performed rain dances.

Notice that by adding the adjective clause “where water is scarce,” the writer has added information that strengthens his point.
An adverb clause is a clause that modifies a verb, an adjective, or an adverb. It tells when, where, why, or to what extent. Read these sentences:

The roller coaster will be safe.
The roller coaster will be safe as long as everyone remains belted in.

The clause “as long as everyone remains belted in” modifies the adjective “safe.” It adds important information to the sentence.
You can include modifiers in the middle of a sentence (mid-sentence modifier) or at the beginning of a sentence (initial modifier). Using an initial modifier can help to vary sentence structure.

As long as everyone remains belted in, the roller coaster will be safe.

In your quest to make your writing interesting, make sure that you don’t make your writing unclear. Keeping clarity and coherence is the most important thing. If you can also learn to make your writing interesting, you are on your way to becoming a great writer.

Links for Students, Parents and Teachers

Now let's do Practice Exercise 9-2 (top).

Summary

You have now completed Lesson 9 on Evaluation and Revision and are ready to do the Problem and Test sections. You may wish to review any or all of the topics before answering the questions that follow. You may also wish to obtain additional material from the links below before answering the questions.

 
Good luck!
  

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